dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
