So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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