You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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