Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
