he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
