Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
