tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
