My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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