SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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