if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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