Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
