I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
