how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
