also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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