I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
