i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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