The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
