yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
