I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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