Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
