i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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