took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
