shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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