See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
