i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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