I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
