Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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