My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I had to cum in my sink.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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