if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
