idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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