The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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