How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
