I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
