Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
