Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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