i need an iv and a liver transplant
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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