I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
