Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
