Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
