Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
