I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
