im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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