I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
