I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
