I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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