Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
