i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
