so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
