I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
