there was a trapeze. enough said
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
