So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
